i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Found the puke drawer
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
