I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
