Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
