I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize