i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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