i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I looked at my own cervix.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
