so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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