The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
