i just had sex bonerless
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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