I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
