We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
