i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
