If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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