My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
