So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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