so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
