I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
