I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
