i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
