dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I skipped work to stalk him.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
