I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize
