Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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