3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
