I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize