I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
