Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
