im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
