On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
