it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
