For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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