Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
