i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize