R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
