god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize