Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
