I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
