Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
