i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
