Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
