new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
