If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
you made out with another girl for some wings
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