Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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