I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize