textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
