Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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