Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
