Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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