And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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