Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
not ubering you a puppy
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
