I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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