Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
