he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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