Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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