That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
