i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
