Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
