Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just want nice things and good sex
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
