There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
