I smell stomach acid.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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