I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
