I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
