Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize