You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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