I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
