I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I have post one night stand depression
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
