I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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