You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
