I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
