i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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