oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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