Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
