Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
