paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
