every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
True strength comes from lack of pants
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
