Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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