What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
