I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
