OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Randomize
