The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
