Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
