i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
My breasts were aching with rage.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
