sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
