he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
