So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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