im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just sucked dick on a ferry
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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