Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Randomize
