once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
