If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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