I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize