He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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