I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
bring money and cleavage
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
