I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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