Please don't use social media to get back at me.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
