So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
