i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
