a queef is a wish your heart makes.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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