I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
