I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
