I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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