he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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