i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
