I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
