Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
