what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
