you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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