'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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