I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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