I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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