I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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