Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
