So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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