Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
