my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
