one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
