so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
