I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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