ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
