oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
