Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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