i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
